I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize