Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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