the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
