Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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