Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need a beard to bite.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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