you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
