So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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