he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
