He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
