ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
