Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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