i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How's work?
Spinning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
