the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
