You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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