I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm like, not good at living.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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