So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
