Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
