just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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