That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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