I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
