a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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