I bet he comes in French.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
