dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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