She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
