Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
