She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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