Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
