i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
