he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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