I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
