Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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