Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
