I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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