i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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