Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
