apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
