The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
40s are totally the cure
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
