I want to have your abortion
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
