You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
