Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
