The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
