K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
