i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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