WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
