SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
