not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
