she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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