Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
