marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize