He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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