there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
