everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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