Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
