She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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