yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
