Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
