Can i not drive my cunt home
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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