I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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