At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
