Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
