So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
