U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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