How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
