Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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