They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Say something about gay babies.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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