What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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