she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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